My barber recently retired and my quest to find a good replacement has proved very difficult.He was like a friend. If we talked about the price of beer, the headlines on his well-thumbed complimentary newspaper and the fortunes of our… Read More ›
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Not The Marrying Kind
I could never marry Nigella Lawson.Every night she’d sneak out of bed to raid the fridge. How bad would it be to come down stairs every morning and find out all your Rice Krispies have been used to make biscuits?Why… Read More ›
It’s Hard To Make Up
At five-years-old I once went into my mum’s bedroom to try on her high heels but this was just to see what it would be like to be taller than my siblings, than any Eddie Izzard cross-dressing tendencies.It was a… Read More ›
Backward People On Trains
I’ve never understood the weird people who refuse to travel backwards on trains.Whilst commuting yesterday, a lady said to her friend: “I cannot sit travelling backwards on trains” and insisted on swapping seats.Now, I’ll admit that travelling forwards is marginally… Read More ›
Rubbish Guy Fawkes’ Nights
I genuinely think that if Guy Fawkes had used the same fireworks I had as a child, that parliament wouldn’t have had much to worry about.Our “displays” were an embarrassment.The actual night would start with the ritual holding of sparklers… Read More ›
Cereal Killers
Having not eaten cereal for years, I was amazed to see the vast array of cereals now being sold in supermarkets. With a supposed new emphasis on healthy eating, gone is the once popular prefix “Sugar” on cereals and we… Read More ›
Doormen
After some Saturday evening shopping with the girlfriend, we decided to go directly to Wetherspoons.Outside, 5 Doormen carried out a bag check. In my girlfriend’s bag were a new pack of stockings which we could’ve used to pull over our… Read More ›
Your 100th Birthday
I really hope I don’t have a 100th birthday party because of all the annoying rituals that go with it.Firstly, you’ll have a local newspaper or film crew cover the celebrations and take pictures of you wearing a now ill-fitting… Read More ›
Wasp On A 334 Bus
Whilst travelling on the 334 bus from Sheppey to Maidstone, a wasp entered through the open window, causing some people horror, possibly because it hadn’t paid the fare?With a bus crammed with nervous, screaming and panicking passengers, three ladies ran… Read More ›
Royally Irritated
Congratulations to William and Kate on the news of their recent pregnancy. Now can we leave them alone?I don’t want to see or hear about any of the following in the remaining 6 months of the pregnancy…1. Her cancelled engagements…. Read More ›
Russ Writes 