After some Saturday evening shopping with the girlfriend, we decided to go directly to Wetherspoons.
Outside, 5 Doormen carried out a bag check. In my girlfriend’s bag were a new pack of stockings which we could’ve used to pull over our heads and raid the bar and some Katy Perry perfume which is like being sprayed with Mace.
These items were ignored and instead they said: “You can’t come in here with your Flake and large Toblerone.
Anyone who knows anything about chocolate fighting will know that Flakes are not the weapon of choice, given their rubbish tendency to crumble on impact. The Toblerone, slightly more understandable as I think the history of Toblerone killings has been steadily rising year on year. Death By Chocolate!
But no, it wasn’t that we may cause a fight over chocolate – although there were women in there, so don’t rule it out – it was that you’re not allowed to bring your own foodstuffs into the pub.
Now, I can understand this if you are bringing in your own Mixed Grill and fraudulently trying to pass it off as theirs or perhaps your home-made Chicken Jalfrezi but a bar of chocolate?
At no point had we come to the pub to eat chocolate. The chocolate would have remained firmly in her bag until we left.
But this wasn’t good enough for the doormen. Who said: “You’ll have to leave that chocolate out here on the pavement until you come out.”
This may have been tempting – and it may even be a tradition in some foreign countries – but given that each of these doormen weighed over 18 stone, there was no way we were gonna leave chocolate outside. Maybe it’s their ruse to get free chocolate?
After much discussion, common sense prevailed and we got let in.
And I’m really glad they didn’t search my bag as I had a bottle of vodka in it!


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