Cereal Killers

Having not eaten cereal for years, I was amazed to see the vast array of cereals now being sold in supermarkets.

With a supposed new emphasis on healthy eating, gone is the once popular prefix “Sugar” on cereals and we are now left with cereals simply called “Frosties” “Puffs” and “Smacks,” apparently?

Manufacturers started adding fruit into cereals for those people who were either too lazy to peel a banana or idiots who simply cannot decide whether to eat fruit or have cereal for breakfast, so choose both.

As a child, I never had the option of fruit for breakfast. So, in our household, our “combined breakfast” equivalent of putting fruit into cereal would’ve been inserting a boiled egg into a jar of marmalade.

Then someone decided that to encourage kids to eat cereal they’ll change them into the shape of a bar and add chocolate – if only they could do that with sprouts? – And something that we didn’t even know we needed was born for no reason.

Soon kids were eating cereal bars en route to school or having them in their lunchboxes and people in offices were eating them at their desks.
Seriously, how busy is your life that you don’t have time to open a fridge and pour milk…?

Anyone who’s attempted to eat dry cereals straight from the packet soon realises it’s a stupid idea (especially with Shredded Wheat) because cereals need milk to stop you from gagging on their dryness.

God saw the dry cereal bar problem and saved the world by inventing cereals you can now drink on the go. How lazy are these people?

I also noticed leading brand cereals for the insane, infused with maple syrup, peanuts or peanut butter.

It’s no surprise we have a child obesity problem.

So much for cereal manufacturers emphasising healthy eating. May as well corner the market by sticking a Mars bar in bran-flakes.



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