Whilst travelling on the 334 bus from Sheppey to Maidstone, a wasp entered through the open window, causing some people horror, possibly because it hadn’t paid the fare?
With a bus crammed with nervous, screaming and panicking passengers, three ladies ran upstairs to the top deck. (Yeah, because there’s no way a wasp can get upstairs, is there?)
The wasp then hovered and walked along my jacket for a couple of minutes which left me with a dilemma…
Should I (a) Attempt to kill the wasp and have a bus load of passengers so grateful they would offer me their Haribo’s or (b) Leave it and hope it doesn’t sting me.
I decided on option (b), not because I have any compassion for wasps but I am aware that I am rubbish at killing anything that flies.
So the thought of accidentally “mildly stunning” him and have him awaken angry and enraged in a confined space of a bus and have him sting me 1,000 times and have all the passengers beat me with their wet umbrellas and throw me out the bus at Bobbing was no way for my life to end.
Although, on the plus side, I’d be near a Crematorium which would save petrol money for the hearse.
Luckily, from out of the chaos, a lady stepped forward, produced a tissue from her handbag and squished him against the window, gaining rapturous applause and six packets of Starmix Minis.
But why was the wasp going to Maidstone on the bus? He could have flown there if he wanted to and been a lot quicker than the bus as he wouldn’t have gone through Iwade and other God-forsaken towns. Nor would he be dead.
I am now at home writing the screenplay to sell to Hollywood because if they can make the ludicrous “Snakes On A Plane”, then “Wasp on A 334 Bus” is the way to go… Hopefully?