Author Archives

  • Backward People On Trains

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    I’ve never understood the weird people who refuse to travel backwards on trains.Whilst commuting yesterday, a lady said to her friend: “I cannot sit travelling backwards on trains” and insisted on swapping seats.Now, I’ll admit that travelling forwards is marginally… Read More ›

  • Rubbish Guy Fawkes’ Nights

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    I genuinely think that if Guy Fawkes had used the same fireworks I had as a child, that parliament wouldn’t have had much to worry about.Our “displays” were an embarrassment.The actual night would start with the ritual holding of sparklers… Read More ›

  • Shopping In Savers

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    I’ve recently had some very strange experiences when shopping in Savers.Firstly, in my defiant mood of being charged 5p for carrier bags in shops, I cleverly decided to buy a pack of 40 small carrier bags from Savers for 79p… Read More ›

  • Cereal Killers

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    Having not eaten cereal for years, I was amazed to see the vast array of cereals now being sold in supermarkets. With a supposed new emphasis on healthy eating, gone is the once popular prefix “Sugar” on cereals and we… Read More ›

  • Doormen

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    After some Saturday evening shopping with the girlfriend, we decided to go directly to Wetherspoons.Outside, 5 Doormen carried out a bag check. In my girlfriend’s bag were a new pack of stockings which we could’ve used to pull over our… Read More ›

  • Your 100th Birthday

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    I really hope I don’t have a 100th birthday party because of all the annoying rituals that go with it.Firstly, you’ll have a local newspaper or film crew cover the celebrations and take pictures of you wearing a now ill-fitting… Read More ›

  • Wasp On A 334 Bus

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    Whilst travelling on the 334 bus from Sheppey to Maidstone, a wasp entered through the open window, causing some people horror, possibly because it hadn’t paid the fare?With a bus crammed with nervous, screaming and panicking passengers, three ladies ran… Read More ›

  • Royally Irritated

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    Congratulations to William and Kate on the news of their recent pregnancy. Now can we leave them alone?I don’t want to see or hear about any of the following in the remaining 6 months of the pregnancy…1. Her cancelled engagements…. Read More ›

  • I must Confess

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    A survey of nearly 3,000 adults showed that over half described themselves as “having no religion.” Maybe their childhood experiences put them off?I must confess, as Catholics do, that one of my strangest childhood memories is related to my Catholic… Read More ›

  • Walkie-Talkie

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    Public Health England are urging people over 40 to do regular brisk walks – like people do to avoid the chuggers in Maidstone – amid concerns that high levels of inactivity will harm their future health.Apparently, 1 in 6 deaths… Read More ›