Dying For Love

With another full lockdown in Britain, traditional dating has gone by the wayside as the 2-metre distance rule makes it impossible to date naturally.

Being ridiculously single again, I know I don’t want to go on a date in a freezing cold January/February, whilst sitting at opposite ends of a park bench, wrapped up in duvet coats and eating sausage rolls from Greggs like 2 homeless people.

I definitely don’t want to shout the personal details of how someone with my intelligence, dazzling charm, wit and slight modesty issues, got to be on a dating site, nor my hobbies and interests and life plan through a mask.

I don’t want to wear a surgical mask on a date.

Some people don’t mind a bit of doctors and nurses role play. But the thought of one person feigning a broken arm whilst the other loosens their clothing and pretends to perform outdoor surgery with a wooden fork from the chippy like a passing improvising paramedic isn’t as appealing.

I don’t want a romantic walk with someone 2 metres apart like she’s the mum and I’m her toddler, dawdling behind her.

Technically, you can spread out and hold hands but people will just swear at you because they’d have to step into road traffic to walk around you or leapfrog you.

What can you do romantically 2 metres apart?

You can’t even go to a park and play ball games or frisbee or push your partner on the swings, go on a picnic or feed the ducks without needing a gallon of hand sanitiser.

We’re barred from all pubs, clubs, gigs, shows, cinemas, museums, and sporting events and visiting cafes and restaurants are off the menu.

Roll on springtime and I’ll revisit the idea of traditional dating but I know my luck.

I’ll probably go on one date, kiss someone goodbye on their doorstep, catch Covid and die whilst listening to Alanis Morissette’s ‘Ironic’ in the ambulance.

Hopefully, I’ll keep you updated.



Categories:Food, Health, Pubs, Weather

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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