Stupid Local News

With The Coronavirus dominating all the international news headlines, I was surprised and intrigued to see today that the front-page story of my local newspaper reported a plane crash.
However, the story is about a model aeroplane that crashed into a lady’s garden and can definitely be filed under the title of “Stupid Local News”.
Now, no one was injured and there were no fatalities. In fact, the nearest anything got to being injured was the pet dog who, just twenty minutes before, had his picture taken sunbathing in the very same spot the plane crashed into. (True).
Strangely, as is the norm in local news, there is no picture of him pointing to the crash spot but maybe he was too embarrassed by the publicity?
But hey, it didn’t stop relatives and neighbours saying that “someone could’ve been killed”.
Now, I’m not sure what the mortality rate is for being hit on the head by a model aeroplane but I’m guessing it’s pretty low, if indeed, any stats exist at all?
It did slightly bend a washing line en route to landing which begs the question, how rubbish was that washing line?
Apparently, the person responsible for his aircraft losing power and crashing is mortified by it all and is inconsolable and in hiding.
All the lady has to do now is sweep up a bit of mess from her garden whilst tutting the words “bloody stupid men, eh?” No one from the Aviation Authority is coming out to look for the Black Box Flight Recorder.
Somehow my local paper has ran two pages on this like it was on a par with The Twin Towers Attack of 911.
And to think I used to work for this newspaper group. Frankly, I’m a bit embarrassed. I could never write such crap… Obviously.
Now I’m just wondering what next week’s headline will be… “Boy Kicks Football Over Neighbour’s Fence”.
“Two Inches Nearer My Head And I Could’ve Died!” Said Ted, 49.


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