From September 10th, Wetherspoon’s have decided to ban dogs from its pubs. Apparently, it’s also blanket ban which means it will probably affect dogs, babies and elderly ladies as they all love wearing blankets in pubs.
Wetherspoon’s claim the reason for the ban is because dogs can be unpredictable, unhygienic and cause mess. Using that criteria, it could be argued they could ban 80% of their customers.
Apparently, Assistance Dogs will still be allowed into the pubs. This would be great if they could be trained to assist behind the bar where they could help the staff identify who was next in the queue to be served instead of using their commonplace “Ip dip, sky blue, who’s it? Not you” method.
Maybe they can be trained to lick your table cleaner before you sit down and remind you of your table number as you approach the bar with your food order?
Talking of food, a major disadvantage to not allowing dogs into Wetherspoons is that you’ll no longer be able to feed them your bland, dry, tasteless chicken burgers under the table, so you’ll have to suffer eating them yourself. And no amount of Peri Peri sauce is going to make a difference to that culinary nightmare.
Dogs are great for eating unwanted food and acting like a more efficient, less expensive mini robotic hoover.
Personally, I like nothing better than to walk into a comfortable pub with a roaring, open fire with a dog in it. The dog wouldn’t be in the fire. That’d be wrong, obviously.
And there was a time when every landlord had a dog that was trained to be nice and friendly to every passing stranger during opening hours and bizarrely attack any stranger after closing time. How did they know what time it was?
Wetherspoons have made a mistake banning dogs. Where will they go now? Soon they’ll be loitering outside Off Licences, in Ladbroke’s betting on dog racing and sleeping ruff with only their banned blankets to keep them warm.