Talking Rubbish

Space agencies are currently launching spacecraft to retrieve man-made space junk by deploying large nets and harpoon guns – because astronauts are renowned for their constant secret illegal smuggling of whales into space?
Another idea in development is to use a tentacle hand to grab the junk, like those grab cranes used in amusement arcades but if they can’t pick up a Milo Tweenie from a glass case, then what chance has it got?
This space rubbish removal is to stop other spacecraft from crashing into it.
Now, I’m no rocket scientist but surely if you are piloting a spaceship, you’d have plenty of room to swerve around a milk carton?
How rubbish are your driving skills that you cannot avoid things in space?
It’s space for goodness sake! There’s a clue in the name.
How is there so much rubbish in space anyway? It’s not like you can casually wind down the window of a spaceship and empty your ashtray.
And why bring space rubbish back to Earth when people are complaining there’s too much rubbish on this planet and it needs to be cleaned up?
It’s true because after watching The Blue Planet, environmentalists have discovered that it’s marine life that are causing so many problems and must be educated when it comes to disposing of litter.
They are drinking far too many fizzy drinks – which explains why fish have no teeth – and energy drinks which they need to help with all their constant swimming, and they are leaving their bottles and plastic straws in the sea because there are no bins for them to put them in.
We are lucky dolphins don’t like Costa coffee.
Also, sea-life are using plastic cotton buds to clean their ears, totally ignoring all medical advice about not inserting anything smaller than your elbow into your ear, probably because they’ve no idea what an elbow is?
One concerned environmentalist said: “I’ve never seen so much rubbish in all my life” – and then he read this, obviously.


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