New Year’s Resolutions

I am constantly being asked what I’m going to give up for my New Year’s resolution.
For inspiration, I thought of all the things I had successfully given up in the past, like wearing a nappy, sucking a dummy and playing with my toy train set.
This was useless as everything I had given up before, I now had no desire to do anyway.
I then thought of all the things my friends have given up – like smoking, drinking alcohol, eating chocolate and talking to me.
Then I thought of all the things I should give up – like hope of finding my cat, Felix, the dream of ever playing international football and marrying Kylie Minogue.
I thought about giving up food completely but didn’t think I could have kept that up for a year, certainly not without dying, which would have been very inconvenient, especially if I had wanted to give up something else the following year.
Maybe if I were to make a list of everything I did during a typical day I could then go through them systematically until I found something I could give up?
Four seconds later, I was still none the wiser.
It appeared that during a typical day, apart from waking up, I did nothing at all.
I concluded that trying to think of something to give up was a difficult task, so I gave up.
Instead, I decided, that maybe I could start doing something for the new year that I’ve been putting off for ages. But these weren’t very practical.
For example, I could get fitter and jog for two miles a day but at the end of the year I would be 730 miles away.
I’d also been meaning to decorate the flat but I couldn’t resolve to decorate it for 365 days a year, it isn’t that big.
So, what am I going to give up for my New Year’s resolution? Answering stupid questions.


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