As part of annual preparedness month, promoted by UK local authorities and the emergency services, Police Scotland recently launched a campaign urging the public to prepare a “grab and go” bag containing some essentials in case of an emergency.
Unfortunately, they didn’t specify which emergency, which lead some people to panic and wondering whether to expect Brexit related civil disturbance, war, flood, pestilence or nuclear accident?
The items to pack included writing materials, a phone charger and battery bank, a radio, a first aid kit, medication and food and water.
Appropriate “seasonal clothing” was also advised but whether this refers to Halloween costumes and Santa outfits is unclear.
Some of the more bizarre items listed included toiletries in case it rained mud and a whistle, presumably to help locate you in a flood or in case you get invited to referee a football match among survivors of a holocaust.
They recommended that you pack a torch which will help if you have to discreetly burgle anyone else’s evacuated property. And also advise that you take important personal documents like your passport in case you have to flee the country altogether or worse, you need to board a rocket and relocate to another planet.
The items of food and drink wasn’t specified but I’m relatively sure that 6 bottles of vodka will help any disaster seemingly pass more quickly and less painfully.
Should you survive any disaster, you could console yourself by tuning your handily packed radio to Heart FM and doubtless listen to all of Olly Murs’ hits played continuously on repeat and then rummage through your first aid kit to see if there’s anything to ease that pain, like bandaging your ears.
When finally asked, the organisation co-ordinating the campaign bizarrely clarified the “emergencies” as power cuts, water main bursts, gas leaks, transport strikes and road closures.
Having probably experienced most of these, I’ve never needed toiletries, a whistle, first aid kit or personal documents to cope, making all this unnecessary scaremongering a truly disastrous campaign.