The Sun And The Pain

They say hot weather makes people irritable. But maybe it’s the heat making sane people do stupid things that makes us all grumpy?
For example, I have never understood why people put sunglasses on top of their heads. What possible use are they positioned there? When has your hair ever needed shielding from the sun?
It’s hair. What are you thinking?
You won’t look so cool when you’re your sunglasses act as a magnifying glass and set you alight.
Then there are pallid middle-aged men reaching for the quick fake-tan bottles in Poundland. Unfortunately, these are positioned next to the caffeine-laced volumising hair shampoo bottles, meaning those who use both look like David Dickenson.
There are those annoying people who’ll ask to borrow your expensive sun-cream. Not sure how anyone can “borrow” this as, once used, you can’t exactly get it back.
They then smear it all over their bodies without rubbing it in properly and wearily stagger around for a couple of hours looking like escaped zombies.
Having used all your sun-cream on themselves, they’ll then turn to you later and say: “Oh, haven’t you caught the sun!” Which is just polite-speak for “Wow! You look really burnt!”
Then there’s the slightly strange, luminous orange appearance of sunburnt tv weather forecasters. Honestly, you’d think they’d know the risks.
Not content with telling us the overnight weather – when no sane person is out. -they now tell us the weather we’ve already had.
They say: “This morning, we had brilliant sunshine.”
Yes, I know. I was out in it, thanks.
Who needs to know the weather we’ve already had? What are they gonna say next? “Last Tuesday it was fine but on the17th of October 1872 it was bucketing down.”
Oh, I’ll just go back in time and tell my great grandad, shall I?
Today, I momentarily checked myself in the mirror, topless and in my cut-off knee length denim shorts and miserably thought, if I was painted green, I’d look like the Incredible Hulk (the “not so kind” years).
As he might say because he was always irritable regardless of the weather.


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