My local café serves 8 different variations of Full English Breakfasts, ranging from a basic 1 egg, sausage, bacon, tomato, hash brown and beans to a Full Monty Breakfast that triples everything and adds a flat mushroom, black pudding and fried bread/toasts – with different combinations in between.
So, I’m often surprised when some people decide to annoyingly, customise their breakfast in the most ridiculous fashion, saying things like, “Can I have one hash brown and replace the other one with a mushroom and maybe replace the beans with another egg?”
Who are these fussy eaters making petty changes?
Now, I’m pretty sure that for a café that specialises in English Breakfasts and has an endless supply of breakfast foodstuffs constantly heated on hotplates, this isn’t too much of a logistical problem for the cooks.
It’s the waiting staff I feel sorry for.
Instead of writing down “Breakfast No.5”, they have to write down and individually number how many of each 9 breakfast items these idiots want. If done by everyone on a table for six, they have to run into Ryman’s to buy more pens.
You wouldn’t order a cheese and tomato sandwich and say: “Actually, can you replace the tomato with more cheese.”
My mum used to say: “you eat what you are given.” And, judging by some old photos, she’d fed me some sofas.
But there’s also some people who, in a weird deluded gesture, insist on leaving one piece of food on their plate to show empathy with people starving in third world countries.
This would be understandable if their leftover piece of broccoli was taken from their plate, packed in ice, couriered to an airport and flown to an African village and eaten by a malnourished child. But, in reality, it just wastes 10 seconds of their lives as they scrape it into a kitchen bin.
They claim this selfless gesture makes them feel good. Well, that wouldn’t make me feel as good as if I’d just eaten it.