Yesterday, I accidentally watched an episode of Sixty Minute Makeover with Peter Andre – he wasn’t sat on the sofa next to me, that’d be weird. I thought whatever next? Ice Road Trucking with the Cheeky Girls? Extreme Ironing with Spandau Ballet?
The title “Sixty Minute Makeover” is a bit misleading because they openly admit it takes the best part of a day. It isn’t done when the recipient has just nipped to Aldi, it’s done after they’ve spent ages being kept hostage in the bowling alley by their friend who inexplicably wants to play a best of 27 games tournament or visiting all the floors of the Science Museum.
Even after the camera stops rolling, the home-owners are probably bathing their kids in sugar-soap and turps to remove the fresh wet paint they’ve touched and they are putting their late grandma’s picture back on the wall after Linda Barker had it replaced with a picture of dogs playing snooker and retrieving her ashes from the sink waste disposal unit after they mistakenly used her urn to mix paint. It probably takes another day to sort out the messy aftermath.
Watching yesterday’s programme, I was expecting the lucky recipient of the makeover to have a Simon Bates’ style heart-breaking story behind them to deserve the makeover.
But no, what I saw was “Debbie’s boyfriend left her 8 months ago – possibly because she hadn’t painted the house for ages? – and she needs a bit of cheering up.”
Seriously…? Excuse me a minute…
‘Dear Peter Andre.
I was in Iceland a couple of weeks ago when four pensioners pushed in front of me in the queue. It really hacked me off as I only had a bottle of Pepsi Max and I need a “bit of cheering up.”
If you could come around this Sunday and do up the bathroom when I am out all day in Wetherspoons until closing time, that would be great. I’ll leave the key under the wheelie bin for you.
Look forward to seeing you – maybe two of you? – on Sunday evening with my surprised and grateful face. “If you can make it over?”’
Hopefully, I’ll get a reply within sixty minutes?