Happy Days

I really hate the song “If you’re happy and you know it…”
To remind you, it goes “If you’re happy and you know it (So, presumably you can be happy and not know it?) clap your hands!”
Which is okay, just don’t clap after any of the following happy events… You’ve successfully trimmed your hedge with a chainsaw, you’ve finally managed to open the super-glue, or someone has handed you their pet budgie.
Secondly, “If you’re happy and you know it (Just in case you’re still unsure?) stamp your feet!”
Who does that? When have you ever seen anyone stamp their feet in happiness? If that’s the case, those guys in The Salvation Army parades on Sunday mornings must be deliriously happy. I never realised.
Apart from them, no one stamps their feet ever, no matter what they are doing. Only cartoon characters stamp their feet and normally in anger not happiness.
Thirdly, “If you’re happy and you know it (Is there a test I can do?) shout “We Are!””
That assumes that everyone in your company is equally as happy as you and are prepared to shout about their happiness but not in a normal “Yeeeeees!” sort of way but by using the unnatural words “We Are!” Not gonna happen, is it?
I get mildly pleased – maybe happy? I haven’t done the happiness test – when I finish reading a book on the bus. Does this mean that I’d have to go around to all my fellow passengers and ask them of their current states of mind?
And if, on their morning commute to work only three of them are “happy,” would it be socially acceptable to shout collectively “We Are!” hack off the other passengers who are not as happy and surely distract the driver?
Fourthly “If you’re happy and you know it, do all three!”
Only if you really want to get locked up for being mad.



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