I recently had a kitchen refurbishment. In an ideal world, it would be good to go abroad for ten days, give the workmen the keys and let them get on with it.
However, things are never ideal which leaves you with the dilemma as to what to do whilst they carry out their noisy and dusty work.
Deciding to make them as comfortable as possible, I bought fresh tea, coffee, milk, sugar and biscuits and left out a kettle and mugs.
I welcomed in the workmen and the first thing they said was “You can clear all that stuff away, mate,” so I put it with all the other food stuffs and kitchenware now cluttering up my bedroom.
I decided to avoid watching embarrassing, mind-numbing daytime television because there’s only Loose Women talking about celebrities and the latest non-stories from The Sun and guys having paternity tests on Jeremy Kyle. I can no longer see people outside wearing fleeces without thinking they’ve escaped from Bargain Hunt.
I could’ve watched home make-over shows with people renovating their kitchens or I could just nip in and watch my own workmen doing that in 3D.
Instead I turned the radio on loudly so the workmen could have music whilst they worked.
Unfortunately, every other song was a Christmas song and when it played “Wombling Merry Christmas” the workmen slammed the kitchen door shut so as they could no longer hear it and I couldn’t blame them.
My plans to make them comfortable were backfiring badly and may be the reason why, after a couple of days, they had left my kitchen looking like it had been bombed by The Luftwaffe. At least I discovered I could bury some family members in the gaping wall-space.
But ten days later their work was complete and my kitchen looked fantastic. So, what did I do whilst they were busy?
Well, feeling strangely inspired, I wrote this.