The recent hot weather has brought out all the usual comedic sights of British semi-naked flesh – some good, some awful.
Some young people love to show off their “beach ready bodies” for the public to gawp at, whilst the rest of us just have bodies that aren’t even “garden ready.”
Men of all ages still shy away from sunscreen, preferring to go for the “lobster look” as if skin cancer hadn’t been discovered. And some go for the tan on the front and not the back which is always appealing to women – who are visually impaired.
Old guys love going topless. They have a “Hey, I’m 70 and I don’t care if my body needs ironing” attitude and will quite happily parade around in basketball vests, tailored shorts and sandals with socks which weirdly says: “I do love displaying my old body, I just hate my feet.”
Then there are the weird young guys who, despite the soaring temperatures, will still walk around wearing massive overcoats with numerous pockets ideal for shop-lifting and storing drugs.
On reflection, they may be shop-lifters and drug dealers but at least they’re not drawing attention to themselves by having legs of lamb and heroin packets strapped onto their shorts.
Similarly, old ladies also love to wear a big overcoat in summer to conceal their drugs – mainly Lemsip and Beechams’ Powders.
They also love a cardigan, no matter what the weather. I think they spend winter knitting cardigans for summer and summer knitting cardigans for winter. No one has ever told them that the only people to ever look good in a cardigan were named Starsky and Hutch – and they were guys.
Sadly, fatter men and women, wrongly embarrassed by their bodies, will often wear black as they believe the colour to have a “slimming effect.”
But, in reality, fat people wearing black to look slimmer, don’t always look slimmer. They just look like fat people wearing black.
Roll on, winter.