I am getting sick and tired of walking along the high street and having people approach me and blow raspberries in my face… or sometimes, strawberries, blueberries or an array of exotic fruits.
But since the decline in smoking and the rising popularity of vaping, this is becoming an annoying everyday occurrence.
Admittedly, smoking was worse. Walking in the slipstream of someone and being hit in the face with a waft of smoke was terrible. As it was to sit in a pub and ask people to constantly move their cigarettes around the ashtray because your eyes watered or come home with a strong smell of smoke in your clothing as if you had just escaped from The Great Fire of London.
Then pubs thoughtfully introduced a smoking ban which meant that if smokers didn’t die from Cancer, they would probably get melanoma from standing outside in the sunshine.
As a non-smoker, I have become some kind of non-paid cloakroom attendant, constantly sat inside the pub looking after people’s coats, hats and bags whilst they go outside for a cigarette.
Sometimes, I get left in charge of phones, tablets, laptops and thousands of pound’s worth of electronic gadgetry and, if I don’t like the company I’m in, I will temporarily wonder where the nearest Cash Converters is.
But as vaping has succeeded smoking, those days are getting fewer. Instead I have to sit with people who think it’s socially acceptable for me to smell like Ian Beale’s market stall.
Aside fruits, other popular flavours include: rhubarb crumble, Victoria sponge, condensed milk (Yuk!) and all varieties of Angel Delight.
And, alarmingly, just to encourage the children, flavours include: Vanilla, candy floss, skittles, milk shakes, chicken nuggets and Farley’s rusks… Apparently…?
Sadly, I may have to reluctantly take up vaping myself soon because my girlfriend is getting tired of me coming home from the pub smelling of alcohol and kebabs.
“Well, if you can’t beat them…”
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