Paint Traumatic Stress Disorder (Part One)

With the new decade starting, I decided to freshen up my flat by painting 7 door frames, 2 doors and the skirting boards in the hallway and bathroom to cheer myself up.
In the words of Liam Neeson in Taken, “I have a particular set of skills – unfortunately painting isn’t one of them,” so I decided to watch 5 YouTube videos on “how to paint a door.” I know, it’s a door, it’s paint and a brush. How difficult can this be?
In the hardware shop, I discovered a paint roller with a built in continuous pump to give an even finish and stop you from “re-loading” the roller and a paint spraying gun that supposedly got the job done more quickly but you had to dress like Michael Myers – from Halloween, not Austin Powers – in overalls and an ice hockey mask to use.
Both seemed ideal and surely, only hiring a professional to do the job for me would’ve been a better option but no, as far as I was concerned, those guys in the YouTube videos had their doors painted within minutes with a standard brush, roller and drip-tray and those were my weapons of choice.
I also bought enough masking tape and plastic dust sheets to leave the shop assistant wondering if I was decorating or if I had committed a mass murder and was hiding all the bodies?
Once home, I laboriously taped, dust sheeted and prepped.
At which point I discovered that my lounge and kitchen doors have small windows above them. Windows that serve no valuable purpose whatsoever as they don’t open and you have to be 7ft 6” to see through them. The sole reason for their being there is to make painting the door frames even harder as you have to tape over the glass.
Unfortunately, I found that within 5 minutes of undercoating the first door I was incredibly bored and wondering what the hell I had undertaken?
Next week: What happened next…?


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