The Heat Is On

The UK recently had its hottest day since records began with Cambridge reaching a sweltering 38.7 degrees Celsius. Bizarrely, it wasn’t confirmed on the actual day because weather forecasters were sunbathing on the beach at the time and couldn’t be bothered to check their thermometers.
Years ago, when “global warming” was first mooted, I’d mention my malignant hyperthermia health condition and flippantly but truthfully say that it would be brilliant for me as I wouldn’t feel so cold all the time.
And whenever someone mentioned the “greenhouse effect” I’d look forward to Earth being filled with extra tomatoes and strawberries and not realise the catastrophic effect it would have when aliens discover they could plant human cloning pods into the greenhouses and take over our planet because I hadn’t watched Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
But with 10 of Britain’s hottest years coming since 2002, the threat of global warming should definitely be taken more seriously than myself and many others realised.
A phenomenon brought home to me when, the day before the hottest day, I fainted at my local beach.
The last time I fainted was in primary school assembly and probably because I hadn’t had time to remove my thick, heavy, warm Parka. Luckily, South Park hadn’t been invented so nobody shouted: “Oh my God. They killed Kenny!”
I can blame the record temperatures but there’s no guarantees I wouldn’t have fainted at home.
Experts claim our current housing isn’t designed for habitation in hot weather with most properties having been built at a time when Britain was much colder. I think this means they were all built in January.
They claim that with temperatures rising, all new buildings should have air conditioning or ceiling fans pre-installed.
Maybe if temperatures really soar, all new homes will have retractable roofs, indoor swimming pools and cocktail bars?
And then you’d really have to ask is that what you really want for your grandchildren? (First answer: “Oh, yes!”) But at what price to the future of our planet?


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