Spooky Stuff

I’ve began to question many things about ghosts.
Firstly, why are they always seemingly dressed as Elizabethans or Victorians? Why has nobody become a ghost for the past 120 years?
You never see a hippy ghost or one from the early 90’s rave scene wearing a smiley face t-shirt, blowing a whistle and saying: “I died from a really bad trip. Not drugs, just a poorly designed staircase.”
Failing that, ghosts are often dressed in their nightclothes. Maybe it’s because they mainly appear at night and like to get appropriately dressed before going out on a haunting. Maybe it’s surprisingly tiring work going “boo” and they just like to go straight back to bed afterwards.
They’re regularly found in old draughty houses and you’d think they’d be curious to know what a modern Bovis home with central heating and double glazing is like. Unless they just don’t like warmth which would explain why they’re often found in cold attics or cellars.
Maybe they reside in these places because they’re inherently shy and don’t wish to be found. It seems you always have to go and look for a ghost. Why can’t they just stand in front of your television set where they can be seen easily? Why have you got to visit the darkest scariest parts of your home to find them sifting through your abandoned, dusty record collection, drinking your wine whilst sitting on a rocking horse?
And when will they ever take a shower? Surely they smell of death and decay?
Why, when contacted through a medium, do they take so long to appear? It’s not like they have to navigate their way through traffic. Maybe they’re fed up with you keep asking them where their money is because it’s all you ever want to know. You never ask where they spent their holidays or if they ironically died from drinking spirits?
Personally, I hope to never return as a ghost because my real-life dishevelled appearance is scary enough and I really hate the cold attic.


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