Crazy Times

After many years, my watch finally died. I guess it’s time was up.
So, I visited the Argos website to search for a new one.
I typed in the words “gents watch” and was amazed when the website displayed over 2,000 watches, including women’s and children’s watches, as if the website wasn’t concentrating and had totally disregarded the word “gents” and focused solely on the word “watch” – in a similar way that I totally disregard Chinese take-away menus and only focus on the words “chicken balls.”
I figured I could probably type in the words “Gents Sekonda leather-strapped, analogue with date display, water and scratch resistant, £50 watch” and it would’ve still shown me over 2,000 watches.
Fortunately, at least the Argos website didn’t pick up on the words “gents watch” and direct me to an adult voyeurism website.
I had to apply seven filters to narrow down my watch search and found some of the descriptions of their special features bizarre.
Most said they were “easy to use.” Well, yes because they are watches. They’re not fork-lift trucks.
One said: “this watch has an easy to read dial face,” which surely isn’t a special feature but a minimum requirement when buying a watch. You wouldn’t want it to be blurry, opaque or mosaic.
Another said: “this watch is designed to go with any outfit you’re wearing.” But surely, all watches do?
I’ve never said to anyone, “I love your suit and tie, it’s just such a shame your watch doesn’t match and has ruined your entire look for me.”
Similarly, one claimed it “gives you an instant stylish, elegant look”. So, presumably, if a tramp wore it, you wouldn’t know they were a tramp?
Another said: “This is a fantastic addition to anyone with a busy home/work schedule.” Basically, anyone who needs to know the time.
But the best was “it tells at a glance information.” It tells the time.
Hopefully, I won’t have to buy another watch for a long, long time.


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