I can often smell my neighbour’s cooking as it wafts its way up the stairs and into my flat.
This is fine when they are making bacon rolls for breakfast or a nice Sunday roast and, at these times, I wish they’d invite me into their home for a free sample.
On other occasions, when they are having garlic bread or making bubble and squeak with the stench of boiled cabbage, it isn’t so pleasant.
With this in mind, I went to the supermarket to buy an air freshener and was amazed at the different ones on offer.
Firstly, there was one with the smell of “Laundry.”
Now, I don’t know about yourselves, but I have never gone into someone’s home and thought this place can do with the smell of laundry.
I’ve definitely never excused myself into their bathrooms and looked into their laundry baskets to smell their sweaty socks, pants or damp flannels.
There’s also an air freshener that smells of fresh linen, which is fine on a bed, but throughout the house?
As a child, I quite liked the smell of coal, but my mum would have gone berserk if I’d started carrying it up from our cellar and placing it in every room.
Although nowadays, charcoal is also used as a de-odouriser to absorb smells and is weirdly used in shampoos and toothpaste. And to think years ago, pregnant women craving and eating coal were considered mad.
Apart from the standard vanilla, fruits and bubble gum (eh?) air fresheners which make your place smell like Mr Whippy’s holiday home, people can now enjoy more exotic fragrances enticingly entitled Sea Breeze, Cool Mist and Rustic Sewer.
My personal favourite smells are fresh cut grass and newly laid tarmac – probably acquired from my “falling over, drunk” days when I’d often face-plant the front lawn or pavement?
After much deliberation, I decided to buy a Lotus Blossom air freshener and, once bought, I sprayed it through my neighbour’s letter-box.
Hopefully, they’ll take the hint.