Advent Calendars

Ah, Advent Calendars – your days are numbered.
Well, maybe not…
Invented in Germany and later popularised by Cadbury’s in 1958, the advent calendar has become a Christmas staple.
Recently, cunning marketing executives have seen a window – or door – of opportunity and started to manufacture advent calendars with their own products behind every door.
Greggs recently misjudged its own advent calendar marketing campaign when it used a sausage roll in a manger to replace the baby Jesus in a Christmas nativity scene. This outraged the Christian community who labelled it blasphemous – so it was really lucky that they didn’t see the original poster which showed Mary as a steak bake and the three wise men as doughnuts, apparently…?
Some advent calendars contain 24 candles. Who’s gonna buy those, the local vicar for his church?
It’s only them and women who buy candles in vast never-ending quantities, even though we’ve had electric lighting and heating for over a hundred years, so what’s the point? Why invite fire into your home?
Next they’ll be inventing advent calendars for women with 24 different scatter cushions, enough to build a dry-stone wall feature between you in bed.
Women can have advent calendars containing make-up, ear-rings and charm bracelets – all of which look great with a Christmas reindeer jumper.
They can also have advent calendars containing Prosecco, Cava and Champagne.
Surely, the best thing for them to do would be to save these bottles every day and have a really good Christmas day?
If you find they’ve been drunk every day, consider sending your wife into rehab over Christmas whilst you indulge in your own vodka, whisky or Craft Beer calendar with such elegant names like: “Santa’s Old Wellysock” whilst eating 24 different world cheeses and spraying 24 perfumes onto her 24 scatter cushions to pretend she’s still there.
That will put you nicely in the mood to help your kids build their 24 Star Wars Lego kits – or not…?


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