The Way I See It

My ex mother-in-law works in an opticians. Whenever I visited her, she would always ask “And when are you getting your eyes tested?”

To which I would always reply: There’s nothing wrong with my eyes. After all, I married your daughter.”
And whilst her jaw would drop to the floor in awe and wonderment at what a great guy her daughter had married, I would scoop my well-deserved brownie points into my pocket and rapidly leave.
Even now, I’m still reluctant to have an eye test and would rather buy cheap spectacles from pound shops than pay an extortionate £200+ for a “buy one, get one free” offer from C.U. Cummins, the opticians.
I’m convinced any problems with my eyesight only exist because of other people’s conspiracies.
For example, I can read any newspaper, magazine or book perfectly well outdoors or in any reasonably lit room.
But if I go into a room and switch on energy saving lightbulbs, it can take me 20 minutes to read fluently.
I am 100% convinced that there were fewer trips to opticians before the introduction of energy saving lightbulbs and that they were invented by opticians to generate more customers.
There are 3 things that I have trouble reading…
Firstly, cooking instructions on the backs of packets because they are written in tiny writing.
You’d think with a population of elderly people who often rely on packet meals, that manufacturers could at least help them by writing the instructions in large print to avoid them getting food poisoning.
Secondly, how can I read the plot-line on the back of any DVD but if I want to find out the running time of the film, I have no idea if it says 80, 88 or 98 minutes?
Similarly, “terms and conditions” are always in tiny writing. What is it they don’t want you to see?
Wouldn’t it be great if everything was written big so as we can do away with some opticians appointment altogether?
Somehow I can’t see it.


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